Our mission is to foster progress and resilience by setting clear, achievable expectations that drive consistent action, while staying adaptable to setbacks through evaluation and adjustment.
Expectations are what we think will happen and provide comfort and structure in planning. However, they can be a double-edged sword—unmet expectations may lead to discouragement and loss of motivation. It’s crucial to set realistic expectations that are adaptable and aligned with our goals.
Several key terms are clarified to ensure understanding throughout the chapter:
Expectation: What we believe or hope will happen based on current information.
Adjustment: The ability to adapt plans to continue progressing toward a goal.
Anger: A reaction to unmet expectations or desires.
Inertia: Resistance to change.
Shame Spiral: A cycle of self-criticism that results from failure to meet expectations.
Wisdom: The application of knowledge to set accurate expectations and make effective adjustments.
Skill: A learned ability to replicate success through intentional actions.
Luck: Success achieved without intentional effort.
Brandon, a young boy, spent a whole day looking forward to a pickle from the fridge after completing his homework. However, a series of delays, chores, and frustrations blocked him from enjoying the simple treat. When he finally had the opportunity, his mood had soured, and even when he got the pickle, it wasn’t as satisfying as expected. The moral of the story? His rigid expectations for immediate reward led to frustration, whereas flexibility and patience could have enhanced his experience.
Reflection on the Story: Brandon’s story illustrates how unmet expectations can spiral into disappointment and frustration. By resetting expectations and focusing on eventual success rather than immediate gratification, we can approach our goals with adaptability and resilience, turning obstacles into learning experiences.
Expectations, when managed effectively, ensure progress and resilience. Our brains find satisfaction in meeting expectations, but unrealistic expectations can derail us. Setting a range of expectations and preparing for challenges ensures that we maintain momentum, adapt when necessary, and keep moving toward our goals.
Set expectations that account for delays, challenges, and necessary adjustments. Understand that achieving success takes time, and that failure is part of the process. By maintaining adaptable expectations and focusing on steady progress, you increase your chances of long-term success. Embrace a mindset of skill-building and continuous learning, rather than relying solely on motivation or luck.
Imagine expectations as the route and timing for a road trip. Like setting a destination, you assign ideal time frames for your goals, acknowledge that delays may occur, and decide when to re-evaluate your progress. For example:
Goal: Complete Leadership Training
Ideal: By June 30th
Good: By September 30th
Re-evaluate: December 1st
Set regular check-ins to assess progress and adjust expectations as needed.
Identify a task you want to complete.
Set an ideal time for achieving it, a good enough time frame, and a re-evaluation point if things go off track.
Check in periodically to evaluate your progress and adjust expectations.
"Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience" by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's "Flow" delves into the concept of being deeply immersed in an activity, where personal satisfaction is achieved through intense engagement and concentration. This state, known as "flow," is where expectations align perfectly with one's skills, fostering a sense of fulfillment and control. In the context of setting expectations, understanding flow helps us define and adjust our ambitions to tasks that not only challenge us but also match our capabilities, thereby increasing the likelihood of achieving and maintaining high-performance states. This book is pivotal for anyone looking to enhance their mental states and productivity through controlled expectations.
"Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth
Angela Duckworth’s "Grit" emphasizes the roles of passion and perseverance—beyond talent—in achieving long-term goals. I am a huge fan of this book and Angela Duckworth as a researcher and person. I highly recommend this book for many aspects, but I am going to recommend this book here at this point in our journey because expectations can be a breaking point for many ambitions. Duckworth argues that grit, the combination of unwavering passion and persistent effort, is a significant predictor of success. This book relates to the chapter on expectations by highlighting the importance of setting and maintaining high expectations through consistent effort and commitment to goals, regardless of immediate rewards. It provides a compelling framework for how setting realistic yet challenging expectations can lead to extraordinary achievements over time, and is essential for anyone seeking to foster resilience and a relentless pursuit of excellence in any endeavor.